So I checked the ol' mailbox when I got home after work today and to my surprise it contained a letter from the Cynthia Lummis for Congress campaign.
It was a pretty standard "I'm asking for your vote" affair, but a couple of things jumped out at me:
Apparently the "Wyoming Way" is to fix a problem when we see it. I can only assume that, being the proud Republican she is, Ms. Lummis voted repeatedly for such other notable Republicans as George W. Bush and Barbara Cubin, in apparent contradiction to her claimed valuing of reducing government spending and showing up to work every day. How is voting to continue the problem solving the problem?
There's also a pledge to uphold the values (not rights, but values) in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, which is kind of redundant what with the Bill of Rights being a part of the Constitution and all. (And hey, why doesn't she care about Amendments 11 and up? I guess women's suffrage isn't that important of a value?) Since we're talking values, what about cruel and unusual punishment, speedy trials, and habeus corpus in the face of the looming specter of terror? Or do those values only apply to people that don't read the Koran?
But the most striking element of the letter was this paragraph:
For the record (because I still haven't had this clarified), just what are these "Wyoming values" you keep talking about? Are they so unique that they are instilled only in those born within the borders of this great state? That must be the case, since you've claimed again and again that your opponent Gary Trauner - who may not have been born in Wyoming, but chose to make his home here - can't possibly share them.
The message here is clear: I'm just like you, and my opponent is an outsider that can't possibly understand you. If this sounds familiar, there's a reason. It's just that this is Lummis being "more mindful" of it.
So in answer to your request for my vote, Ms. Lummis, I'm sorry but you aren't getting it. It is my judgement that your Democratic opponent shares my values more than you do.
Lying through my teeth is not one of my Wyoming values,
Regis
2 comments:
Regis, I know that you try very hard not to learn to speak Republican, but I, holding a Degree in Republican-To-NonBullshit Translation, shall make it plain for you and your devoted readers.
The Text: "I am a wife and mother..."
The Translation: "I am maternal and caring... unlike that godless, liberal-swine opponent of mine..."
The Text: "... a rancher,..."
The Translation: "Not a two-faced schister lawyer..."
The Text: "and a graduate of the University of Wyoming."
The translation: "I graduated from here, in this state, not some fancy-shmancy book-learnin' school back east. Besides, who needs advanced degrees... when I graduated, all a person needed to be better than the rest of the scum in this state was a bachelors, and that still applies today... right?"
The Text: "I share your Wyoming values."
The Translation: "That asshole who is running opposite me is from another state which by my calculations makes him from another universe and so he couldn't possibly know a thing about Wyoming or what her citizenry wants."
I know this may seem like a lot of verbiage to be contained in such a short quote from the esteemed candidate, who as most of us know, was cloned from DNA that was stolen from Bab's Cubin's couch. The cranial-programing drone retrofitted Cubin 2.0 with the same policy and procedure and even the same "all-style-no-substance" smile. It was a fine day for RepubliLabs. The only minor setback that they are all too quick to admit to is that she did turn out looking more like Strom Thrumond than a woman, but there are wonders to be done with ample makeup.
In closing, dear chap, go easy on the lass/lad, she does try so very hard, and you can only do so much with so little.
I don't know that I'd say I'm going "easy" on her, but I'm trying to keep my punches above the belt.
Dammit, I'm continuing your androgynous insinuations. Shame on me.
Thanks for your help, Captain!
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