The Scent of Pineapple

It's finally November, which means once again it's National Novel Writing Month and for some silly reason, I'm taking the 50,000 word challenge on again. After the solicitation of ideas from several friends (since all I really had was something about a slow motion train wreck and black waves of depression), I'm running with a story about one woman's search for the Lost Tablet of Kramenya.

So who is this girl and why is the tablet worth 50,000 words of anguish?

Short answers: Tatyana Cavender, and I don't really know yet. But that's the beauty of NaNoWriMo, you just have to let the story come out and see where it takes you.

Nature Hikin'

Some time back, my sister's fiance Rob enlisted my aid in writing a song. He had written lyrics about one of his favorite activities and wanted to put them to music (that's where I came in). So one evening several months ago, I loaded up Anna (my acoustic guitar) and headed over to his place and came up with some chords and tweaked some lyrics to fit. "Nature Hikin'" was born.

And then I sat on it.

I eventually produced an instrumental demo, but he thought it was a little too fast and it didn't have any vocals on it, mainly because I'm not the world's greatest singer and I have thinnish walls with my neighbors, whom I don't hate.

But he was back in town this week from working in North Dakota and I realized that, being temporarily out of a job, I had the time to do a slightly slower demo, and I did. I even had the gumption to put vocals on it; it was the first time I've recorded myself singing since my old band Half-Penny made a demo more than six years ago. And in celebration of this truly illustrious event, I'm putting the song up here for all to enjoy. It's on the right, under the new list "New Danger Dog Demos."

So enjoy.

Breaking News

Using the International Standardized Shakira Scale, today's revelations rate a David Hasselhoff on the Berlin Wall.

Something Almost Intelligent About Gender and Sexuality, Or, Thanks a Million Andrew Sullivan

Let me start this by saying that I love me some Shakira. I got turned onto her probably in high school Spanish (before her first English album). I generally prefer her material when she isn't trying to be Top 40 or get her videos on MTV (I understand that's the nature of the beast, but I have a kind of snobby streak when it comes to music), but her music is kind of like pizza - even if it's not the best thing in the world, it's still pretty good and I'll probably take the opportunity to have another slice. Which is to say that I will get a copy of her upcoming album She Wolf when it comes out next month.

The eponymous lead single falls squarely into chart hopeful territory, which I don't mean in any derogatory sense - in my book, Shakira + disco strings = WIN. And if you like the ladies, the video is pretty awesome (I can't embed it, so you'll have to click the link). Does such a display cheapen the artist and enforce stereotypes that female artists have to be sexy and revealing?

So I was just over at The Daily Dish where Andrew Sullivan had posted a fan made remake of the video called "He Wolf." Behold! (But seriously, you should watch the original first.)



Now click on the video and go to it on YouTube. Notice something that wasn't there on the original video's page? Hint: it's the tag that says "This video may not be suitable for minors." Is it a double standard for gender roles? Does the fact that it's a man writhing within a cage in next to nothing automatically create a homoerotic subtext?

So thanks a million, Andrew Sullivan. Not only did you almost ruin the song for me, but you made my head hurt.

Fighting and Biting and Riding On His Horse

Today was my first 5k, and I survived with a time of 29:23. The route required us to go up a big damn hill (and I kicked some ass going up), but then we got to go back down (at which point I kind of hit a wall, so I wound up doing a little bit of walking). The tunes in my Jim Carroll Memorial 5k playlist could have been somewhat better arranged (mainly, "Loosen Your Tie" by the Remus Lupins (yes, they're a wizard rock band, but whatever - you should seriously listen to it, seriously) should have been put later in the playlist, when I'd be more in need of a super awesome boost), and it got hot a lot faster then weather.com predicted so I did a little roasting in long sleeves, but I made it through(and passed a guy that used to run marathons at the end, woo!); I also beat my sister by about a minute.

I was something of a sad panda because my Cheeto eating support team/fan club didn't show (a bad combination of not setting alarms and getting caught up in cleaning), but there's always next time - and there WILL be a next time.

Also, I'm not very good at treachery and deceit judging by the game of Diplomacy we played last night - please try to contain your surprise. High five to Jon, who wound up winning the game Mark Travis-style by more or less sneaking in on the rest of us while we were busy fighting amongst ourselves. I can think of a couple of people that would probably be hella good at the game, too bad (or maybe thank goodness) they're 300 miles away.

Wicked Gravity

I read the news today, oh boy: poet and punk rocker Jim Carroll passed away in his home in New York on Friday. I can't offer much in the way of eulogy; really I'm just a random person that got turned on to his music. Even so, I'm a little bummed- this kind of sad news always seems worse on top of a lousy situation.

Thanks for the music, Jim. Here's hoping you found that world without gravity, and that it was indeed just what you needed.

I Feel Love (Aaaah), I Must Be In Love

One of my favorite shows on the teevee is Mad Men. I started watching it when it started, am pretty jazzed that it's back for a third season. If you aren't watching it, get on it - you'll thank me.

A recent episode had a scene where Joan (played by the lovely Christina Hendricks who most of you would remember as YoSaffBridge on Firefly) played the song "C'est Magnifique" on the accordion. Redhead bombshell that plays the accordion and sings in French? I think I've found my ideal woman.



Yes, please.

Hump Day Happy Hour - The Cars

Oh no, is this a new wave kick I'm on? I don't know, but I feel like posting some Cars awesomeness so we'll just have to see if this trend continues. In finding the video for "Dangerous Type," I bounced over to a cover of the song by Letters To Cleo, which was apparently used in The Craft, and then to a video of Beavis and Butthead talking over LTC's "Here and Now." Thanks for the timesuck, YouTube!

Anyway, not only did The Cars make some kickass music (see the entirety of Candy-O for further awesomeness), they make me feel attractive. Also, I don't think I was aware that Gibson made a Flying V Bass, but now I want one (so thanks a million for that, Benjamin Orr). But enough chit chat, let's go.



I want to touch you, or are you out of touch?
Regis

I AM THE CHAMPIONS, 3-Day Novel 2009 Edition

And the hard part is over. I pulled into the last period at 11:55, leaving myself a comfortable five minutes to spare. I feel really good about this one, gang. It clocks in at 19,600 words (that includes the title page, but whatever); my 3-Day Novel from last year wasn't even 16k. The ending makes sense (at least as much sense as a story rife with parallel dimensions and time travel can). Even though I never did use the Robot Gillian character (my brief description of her was "she's a robot, yo!"), I'm pretty proud of "Davin and the Suspension of Disbelief."

Guh, my brain feels like mush. I'm finishing this beer and going to bed.

-Regis

Stay On Target...

Five hours to go, sixteen thousand words written, and I think I've finally figured out where this is all going. My mind is feeling strangely squishy, but detailing how parallel realities and time travel connect to a story about anthropomorphic undergrads will do that. Hey, there's an interdimensional tear in the wall, and it feels like orange gelatin. Don't fall in!

23 Hours To Go

Quick 3-Day Novel update before I catch some shuteye: I'm currently sitting a little more than 10,000 words, which is roughly two thirds of what I managed to churn out last year, and this after a highly unproductive Sunday (I've had a hell of a time focusing today, and taking care of an ailing mother in the absence of both my father and my sister isn't exactly helping). But the setting up the pieces is pretty much done and the action is rolling. Clones are attacking Laramie, rabbits are swooning, 90 Shilling and Dead Guy Ale are being drunk, and the Iron Cock is living up to his name. But most of all, I'm having fun, and that's the important thing.

As tough as today has been, the last day tends to be both really hard and ridiculously enjoyable. The deadline looms large, and no idea is too crazy to be thrown on the page, regardless of whether it sticks. It's probably going to come down to the wire, but that's just fine with me - it's no fun if it's easy.

Almost... there,
Regis

Here We Go Again

It's Labor Day Weekend, and that means one thing. Okay, it means a couple of things, but the big damn important thing it means to me is the return of the International 3-Day Novel Contest. Once again, I'm abusing my muse in pursuit of fortune and glory. This year's story is going to be pretty silly, what with anthropomorphic rabbits, ducks, and beavers; a horde of idiot clones; and visitors from both the future and parallel universes. Mix in a robot, beer, and D&D and it's bound to be fun, even if it becomes a trainwreck.

Time's a-wasting, so I'm done here. Check back for updates and events warrant.

-Regis

Hump Day Happy Hour - Elvis Costello

Frak this economy and the horse it rode in on. Is it still hump day if you don't have a job? Whatever, I don't really care, so here's an early Elvis Costello track, "Watching The Detectives."



I get so angry when the teardrops start,
Regis

Godspeed, Cane Adiss (v): Tatooine Regionals Non-Tournament Report and Stuff

Once again, Jon "Cates" Cates and I loaded up and headed south for some red-hot Star Wars CCG action this last weekend, and once again, we got blown out by Greenies but had fun in the process.

Tatooine Regionals was Saturday and Colorado States was the following Sunday. Both events were held in the banquet room at Johnson's Corner (the place with really good cinamon rolls south of Fort Collins). Saying we played cards at a truck stop sounds weird, but they let us have the room for free (but we had to buy food from them, oh woe was us). Team Wyoming did about as well as we'd done the month previous, with two last place finishes and two almost last place finishes. But whatever, I don't think that Jon or I would even be able to make Worlds if we won a bye, so let's have some fun.

I don't feel like typing a big recap and spotty tournament report (I didn't take any notes, and trying to remember 12 games over two days from a couple days back would be pretty weak reading), so here are some highlights of the weekened:

I got recognized by an attractive young woman in Casper from my time as a humor columnist for the University of Wyoming Branding Iron way back from 2001 to 2003 (or, if you prefer, before the dark times). So I guess four people that I didn't directly know read and enjoyed "Life Is Like A Mop."

Jon left all his decks but one at Tom's on Friday night, and Tom forgot to bring them to the tournament. Being the standup teammate I am, I lent Jon my SarlacCourt deck, which he switched a couple of cards out of and then beat me with in the tournament.

Broken Concentration is a lot more fun when you're the one playing it. Craig blew a SquAssign search for BoShek, then I moved the top card of his Force Pile to his Reserve Deck. He drew it for destiny, and lo and behold it was the Shekster (who is a lovely destiny 1).

Cane Adiss (v) kicks ass! so of course it's getting changed in the massive errata that's just about to hit. At least I got to bust it out against Rebel Senate shenanigans on Coruscant (ha ha!) and effectively punch speeders in the nuts (not that it won me the game, but HA! all the same). Of course, Jon nailed me with it when he played my deck against me - further proof I'm bad at this game, I don't even know what's in my decks.

I fed Han to the Rancor twice on Sunday. The first time, it won me the game (although I already had it wrapped up), the second day it was pretty much just a last minute flipping of the bird to Chris Fanchi, who had blown me out in our epic RanCourt versus Profit matchup.

Oh, yeah - the Sarlacc also ate my Han in my game against Jon, because I'm bad at cards. That man is friggin' delicious or something.

I hate Watch Your Step. Not really a highlight, but worth saying.

Jerry has fantastic facial expressions. Like his "does not want" face upon hearing the group chorus vocal at the end of Electric Six's "Electric Demons in Love"
We need to get some blank Fluxx cards and make the goals "Chocolate Rocket" and "Fuckloaf."

Jon and I both pulled white-bordered Tagge Seekers in our prize support from Wyoming States last month. Awesome. I also opened two packs of Death Star II and got a Flagship Executor and B-wing Assault Squadron - hot damn.

Dillon seriously needs to keep growing his hair out, hit the gym, get a tan, and become a real-life Dillio. I am dead serious, it would be awesome. Or, he could get a mullet and it would be so awesome it would bring about world peace. Again, I am dead serious.

Mark is a great Tournament Director, but he should have required decklists for Sunday as well as Saturday so I could write "I Want To Spend All Your Money At The Gay Bar" (the reference lives below) and "Cindy McCain's Sex Tape" in the deck title box. I did get to write "Palin-Cubin 2012" for my Saturday dark deck (it was a bad idea from a red state that maybe works half the time, and yes it lived up to its name).



Jon + camera + hot chick on a motorcycle in front of us on Grand Avenue = predictable results.

A big thanks goes to Mark for running two great events and the two-headed monster of Jerry and Diana for letting us crash at their place again. I feel it's worth repeating that everyone I got to play against was a good sport and it was a real pleasure. Thank you all!

Hope I die before I get rolled,
Regis

Why I Have Cable

While I have often considered following the advice of the Aquabats and turning off the idiot box (it's a disease, just like the chicken pox!), I just haven't been able to muster the will. There are too many good shows on, like Mad Men, and I love me my DVR (maybe even I'll get around to watching Seven Samurai one of these days).

And then something so awesome gets stumbled upon it totally makes my patronage of Bresnan (even if we still don't have VOD in Sheridan) totally worth it. Something that can only be described inadequately, and thereby must be experienced. BEHOLD!



Thank you, God, for creating MTV Tr3s,
Regis

Hump Day Happy Hour - CuCu Diamantes

I caught the video for "Mas Fuerte" by CuCu Diamantes the other night on one of the Spanish-language music channels (probably mun2) and was blown away - enough that I downloaded the album, which I can safely call pretty awesome (even if I have next to no idea what the lyrics are, as it's mostly en español). My boss (the Michael Jordan of Sensitivity) thinks I'm getting back to my roots (because Cuban = Mexican = Spanish = Basque). So do yourself a favor and check this one out.



Porque soy mas fuerte que tu,
Regis

This Week In Half-Assing It

In general, I'm not a big fan of half-assing things - at least, not if they have anything resembling serious repurcussions. You can imagine my chagrin when I read about one George Vera, a 500-lb inmate in Texas that confessed to smuggling an unloaded 9mm pistol into the Harris County Jail in his fat rolls.

Not only were the officers that searched him upon his arrest and again at both city and county jails clearly half-assing it, but Mr. Vera did the halfest-assing* job of all - the damn gun was unloaded! Seriously, Georgie Boy, if you're going to sneak a piece in, bring some fracking bullets!

*I realize that half of a 500-lb man's ass is bigger than my whole one, but that that's beside the point.

I've got bullets to spare,
Regis

Wait, What?

I ran across this at Balloon Juice and did a double-take.

A Colorado law recently signed by Democratic Gov. Bill Ritter not only requires motorists to give riders at least a 3-foot-wide berth, it also makes it illegal to throw things at riders, says Dan Grunig, executive director of Bicycle Colorado. Previously, he says, police could only cite a motorist if they actually hit the rider.

The main thrust of the article is good news - yay for commuting on bikes and safety, etc. - but it left me with a big damn question.

Does this mean it's legal to throw things at people in Colorado as long as you don't hit them, provided they aren't on bicycles? (I ask, because why would it have been legal to wing stuff at 'em if and only if they're on a bike? I mean, this is Colorado we're talking about, but seriously?) I'm not sure how I'd feel about that, but I need to find out before I get myself in trouble at Tatooine Regionals/Colorado States weekend this month.

I lost my girl and I lost my fun,
Regis

Sacrilicious?

My church is hosting a vacation bible school this week, and I got tapped to play the bad guy in the daily skits, a scenery-chewing mad scientist named Virus. The story is a little cheesy and fraught with terrible puns, but it's pretty fun and I get to ham it up something fierce while wearing a Hawaiian shirt IN SPACE, so it's all good.

On a semi-related note, I'm not a huge fan of hipsters, but "Hipster Job" made me laugh, so I'll share it with you.



And God was like, "Ain't no thang,"
Regis

Hump Day Happy Hour - Hearless Bastards

Yeah, it's been a couple months since the last HDHH. I know, I know. Here's a tune that I've become kind of fixated with recently by the Heartless Bastards. I have something of a weakness for badass steel guitar, which "The Mountain" has and then some. I also have a documented weakness for ladies that play guitar, which this band also has in Erika Wennerstrom. Throw in some 90 Shilling and you just might have the perfect trap to catch me.



Take it on down the line,
Regis

Wyoming State Championship/Walter Cronkite Memorial Tournament Report

>Note: it’s been almost a week since the tournament, and I didn’t take notes so details are gonna be sketchy and possibly of questionable accuracy.

In the weeks prior to our epic trip south, Jon and I tried out a number of decks – mostly originals, but were ripoffs (of varying degrees) of netdecks. For dark, I was pretty happy with a Bring Him Before Me starting Look Sir, Droids (v) and rocking Emperor’s Power (non-v) for extra battle destiny fun (although this was counter-productive almost as often as it helped, since the deck had a tendency to lose a high destiny to add a low one). For light, I was originally planning on playing We’ll Handle This (v), but changed my mind about a week prior to departure for a Yavin 4: Jedi Academy Careful Planning start reactive mains deck that (ideally) gets Luke Rebel Scout (v) out fast with his lightsaber and Lightsaber Proficiency for an early drain of 4. Both decks were rooted in ripped off ideas, but had plenty of Regisisms.

We had a total of ten people for the tournament – a step up from last year, as Dillon and Roman bailing after Game 2 to play DnD left us with an effective eight players. I dropped the ball on ordering prize support and it didn’t make it in time, but everyone is cool with divvying it up at Tatooine Regionals next month (as pretty much everyone plans to be there).

Game 1: Light vs Hunter’s Coruscant CR Dueling
Looks like I’m starting off with a loss – joy. I think I held off on getting Luke out to see if he’d put Vader elsewhere, but don’t hold me to that. About the only thing that went my way was an early (maybe second turn?) Tantive and some backup to his SE Coruscant. I’m pretty sure he didn’t duel once all game, I think we had a couple battles (Lord Sidious retrieved two when Luke got smacked down, I remember that), and his ground drains outpace what damage I’m doing. FL -22.

Game 2: Dark vs Hunter’s IITFYS Wookiees
Lucky me, the results of the first game were lousy enough that I got to face Hunter again. Don’t get me wrong – Hunter’s a hell of a nice guy to play against, and no game is a 100% certain loss, but he just plays so damn solidly and it’s safe to say I’m kind of scrubbish. Anyway, he gets some direct damage pinging going with Yarua (v) and a Wookiee (v) at the Sacred Forest and protects them with Nudjes at his sites. I draw into J’Quille (v) (a card that I almost always pack) and send him down with Vader to beat some Wookiees down. I do so, take out a Nudj, and the other Nudj moves over so Vader isn’t at a battleground for another turn. Shortly after I deal with Nudj Number 2, Luke pops down and gets captured, so I flip and start losing to my objective. I think we had a quick battle in space but I wind up letting him have it, and he wins the damage race. FL -13; I’m now at 0 (-35).

Game 3: Light vs Matt’s ISB Scum
I’m less than jazzed with this matchup too – he played a similar deck (I don’t remember seeing any AT-STs this time) back in April when he rolled the living snot out of my Back Beat RTP. However, this deck has some answers for him. It’s a bit of cat and mouse at first; I set up a lone Dodonna at the Y4 Jungle next to my Luke (with his saber, Proficiency, and a Bionic Hand (v)) and he takes the bait with an Outer Rim Scout and a walker or somesuch. I play Run Luke, Run! and dish out some pain. Yoda MOFO gets captured on Tatooine by Crazy Fett but after a couple of minor mistakes I don’t remember, he draws one too many and can’t pay maintenance so Fett gets ditched and Yoda breaks free. He doesn’t flip the whole game and I drain him out pretty quick for my one win of the day by 20. 2 (-15). Since we still have half an hour, we start a rematch but don’t finish; it’s looking pretty even when we give up for the next round.

Game 4: Dark vs Matt’s TRM
And thus Matt gets his revenge. An early Corran-led beat squad takes out The Emperor (v) who totally forgot to use his built-in zapping action and bites the dust. I try to take Corran out with Janus, but draw too low so they both just sit at the Throne Room looking at each other until Corran’s backup arrives to beat the holy hell out of my poor little Janus. Knowing that the deck has a tendency to leave crappy destinies on top, I cross my fingers and play Elis, hoping for a one ‘cuz that’s all I’ve got in my Force pile – and meet success! Janus runs away and gets beat down the next turn when Matt plays Nabrun. He’s activating about fifty force a turn or something and I kick myself for not playing Wipe Them Out, All Of Them (v). That’s pretty much all she wrote, FL -26. Now sitting at 2 (-41).

Game 5: Light vs Jerry’s Walkers
I’d joked about playing Under Attack in my light deck for Jerry (since I blew him out with it at Colorado States last year), but I didn’t. Not that it would have made much difference. He gets non-v Decree going so my big drain gets neutered from 4 to 1 (he has Vader on a walker) and blows the MPG without much trouble. I get some guys on Hoth and we rumble a bit, but I’m not smart enough to get Ultimatum satisfied so his direct damage and Garrison drains wipe me out with little trouble. FL -23; now at 2 (-64).

Game 6: Dark vs Jason’s MWYHL Asteroids

I cross my fingers that he’ll train Luke, but he’s not that dumb and trains DOS instead. I have a brief moment of hope: early draws of Zuckuss in Mist Hunter, Bossk In Bus, Vader (v), his saber, and Crazy Fett. I deploy ‘em to Kessel (maybe Kashyyyk) and move to Dagobah, where Corran in Red Squad 7 with X-wing Cannons is waiting. He shoots ZiMH (where my dudes are) into the lost pile, thus canceling my planned invasion of Dagobah. I try to battle him in space, but he keeps Barriering my Star Destroyers. His drains and Asteroid damage outpace what little damage I’m able to do (but I manage to win a battle, so go me). Oh, and Reegesk (v) steals Obi-Wan In Radiant VIII, but it just gets pitched to a drain. At the end of the game, he reveals an EPP Luke was in his hand the whole game (I knew it was there). FL -19, final score is 2 (-83).

So at the end of the day, I’m sitting in ninth out of ten with Jon pulling up the rear. I jump the gun and put Thomas’ name on the certificate I had Jon make for the winner before he plays the final confrontation, but he winds up winning so I don’t have to give Hunter a certificate with Tom’s name crossed out. Thanks for taking pictures, Jerry!

The next day in Denver (or Aurora, whatever), I play a silly AITC with Chadra-Fans trained by Sai’tor and packing Disruptor Pistols and Sebulba (v) dueling. I lend Jerry my White Trash (he plays it as is) and my Rancourt deck from Wyoming States last year, which he proceeds to RUIN by removing bounty hunters and adding more creatures.

Game 1: Light vs Matt’s ISB Scum
Matt’s playing the same deck as yesterday. I manage to thwart an attempted beatdown on Lando With Vibro-Axe and a Chadra-Fan when Lando excludes P-59 and a lone Fett doesn’t get any battle destiny. P-59 runs away, his deck does some heavy damage to me, and I manage to win a second battle with the same Lando and Chadra-Fan (who now has a Disruptor Pistol) against three Outer Rim Scouts (I pat myself on the back for playing Yavin Sentry shield) – Lando excludes one, the Chadra-Fan zaps one to the Lost Pile, and I draw three battle destiny against the last one. Alas, it isn’t enough and he wins by 19.

Game 2: Dark vs Mark’s EBOX
Here’s my epic John Kerry moment of the weekend, where I snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I get my Sense combo early and Uncertain About The Future him before he gets EBO set up. I had Darth Vader and The Emperor’s Prize (v) in hand, which I wind up drawing back. I don’t really derail him too bad (I should have waited until he’d pulled EBO into hand and THEN done it). After he puts out Luke on his Rogue 1 I play Vader and Prize to the Carbonite Chamber, so he’s taking some pings the rest of the game. I get J’Quille (v) in my hand, but can’t send a good beat squad until after he plays EBO. J’Quille, Lord Sidious, and Myn Kynaugh (v) come down to beat on a lone Romas. Here’s the problem – Myn’s Force Pike is NOT under my Starting Effect where it’s supposed to be (I had 12 shields instead – curse my lack of playtesting this deck!). As such, Romas doesn’t get hit and have his power reduced to zero so Mark ONLY has to peel 19 (he forgot to re-borrow my Houjix combos for the deck). So I’m feeling pretty good, but I’m not smart enough to get Resistance satisfied to cap his drains. Winning the podrace (yeah, this deck podraces, hence the Sebulba) helps a bit, but he winds up beating me by ONE. As in, the ONE card he would have had to lose if my Force Pike had been where it was supposed to be. It’s frustrating, but it was still a fun game.

Game 3: BYE
I run across the street because there’s a gyro place, but it’s closed on Sundays so I settle for 7-11 taquitos.

Game 4: Light vs Mark’s Vane Mains
This game was a trainwreck for me, nothing worked at all. I couldn’t get Kabe out, and when I did she just got zapped by the Gemmeperor, a fate also me by Artoo with A Gift. I’m not begrudging Mark on an impressive deck build, but playing against the damn thing is no gorram fun at all. He plays Broken Concentration so I can’t draw up while he SLOWLY puts his hand back (until I’m smart enough to grab Look Sir, Droids (v)) and keeps Projective Telepathy-ing my attempts to initate battle and counterbeating the snot out of me. I don’t remember how much he won by, but it was a lot. Mark’s a good guy, but I still kind of want to punch him in the face, not gonna lie.

So for Sunday, my only win was the bye – disappointing (especially after my lousy showing the day before), but I was playing fun decks so it wasn’t a huge surprise. I come in last (seventh of seven), Jon's in sixth, and Jerry's in fifth (I think he would have done better if he hadn't RUINED my dark deck, but maybe that's just me). Matt is a super cool dude and gives out a rare of our choice (assuming he as a spare of it) from his personal collection for prizes – thanks again, Matt! Also, thanks to everyone that turned out for the events, and to everyone I had the pleasure of playing against. You’re all gentlemen, even if Mark does play that evil Vane Mains deck. And finally, a super big thanks to the guys at Slackerz in Laramie and Attactix in Aurora for letting us play and not charging for it – you guys rock!

Team Wyoming has nowhere to go but up next month.

Cheers,
Regis

A Derogatory Name for People From Wyoming: A Travelogue

As promised, here's a recap of the trip Jon and I made south this weekend. Tournament reports will be posted separately.

We had planned to leave around 11 on Friday, but someone (that would be me) was running a little behind getting his ducks in a row, and someone else (that would be Jon) was running even later. This would prove to be something of a constant theme for the weekend. Apparently the world runs on Regis Standard Time. The drive down to Laramie is about what you'd expect, except slightly greener (gotta love the wet spring and mild-ish summer we've had), with lots of Electric Six. I can't travel to a tournament with Jon without being stopped on the highway by either a wildfire or road construction, and work on 287 steps up to the plate. We roll into Laramie, drop off Meg's bike and the last of her stuff from my shed and I get my half-read copy of Theodore Rex back. Everything's coming up Milhouse until we stop by Slackerz, the location of Saturday's Walter Cronkite Memorial Wyoming State SWCCG Championship, and learn that prize support hasn't arrived yet (I kind of dropped the ball on ordering it and it was supposed to go to the store). We cross our fingers for tomorrow and boogie down to Flock Hall.

As Jon and I walk up to the door, we hear someone inside comment, "This is how porno movies start," which almost makes me get back in the car (the male-female ratio at the time being a bit unbalanced for that sort of thing in my opinion). They tell me the correct operation of their door is hard for some people, but I pass the Dex check without much trouble. We have a two and a half hour conversation about Transformers before Linus has to get some writing done and Jon and I decide that maybe we should eat dinner, it being nine or so. The Black Pope recommends the muffaletta at McAllister's, which is maybe the most beautiful sandwich I've had the pleasure of consuming. By the Virgin Moose, it's like eating a piece of heaven. Jon and I get back to Linus' and I try out my "fun" decks for the Sunday local in Denver and get ROLLED. The Wii gets fired up and I wax Shinze at Mario Kart (extra awesome, never having played it on the Wii before). We finally decide that 2 am might be a good time to call it a night and get some shuteye. Linus is awesome enough to get up and make some tofu scramble - which was pretty damn awesome - for breakfast. After a quick stop at Kinko's to copy some command cards, it's time for some Star Wars CCG.

No surprise, Team Wyoming gets blown out by pretty much everyone from Colorado, but we had fun so it's all good. Thomas McGee wins the coveted winner's certificate (which I wrote his name on too soon; had Brian Hunter won the final confrontation I would have just crossed Tom's name out and written Hunter's above it). Prize support is a no-show, but everybody's cool with dealing it out at Tatooine Regionals next month. I get some new sleeves (red and gold) and head down to Fort Collins with Jerry, who is nice enough to let us stay with him the next two nights.

There's a barbecue at Tom's, and Jerry plays Nien Numb to my Lando and navigates us across Fort Collins. Jon and I hit the liquor store for some PBR while Tom and Jerry make an undoubtedly madcap run to Safeway for burgers and dogs. The cute cashier at Pringle's cards me, but I'm pretty sure she just wanted my name. After some tasty grilling (high five, Tom!) and hanging with the gang, we head back to Jerry's place and meet his girlfriend Diana, who lives up to Jerry's description of pretty cool. We talk about decks for Sunday a bit and call it a night.

Jerry is so awesome he makes pancakes and bacon for breakfast. His position relative to the ball deck-wise is par for the weekend's course, so I lend him a White Trash deck (that I opted not to play the day before, probably a bad call but whatever) that he played as is and a bounty hunting, feed the rancor-ing My Kind of Scum that he modified (I say RUINED) by removing the bounty hunters and adding more creatures. Tom can't make the tournament as his dog is under the weather, so we stop to pick up Mark (who I have to say always looks sharp) at a parking lot in Windsor. He and Jerry make some special modifications in the back seat while navigating and, after a Blizzard 4 winds up under Jerry's ass, complaining that I take turns too fast. I enlighten them on the concept of the "Greenie," which I describe as a derogatory term for Coloradoans based on the color of the old Colorado license plates. Mark informs me that Coloradoans have a derogatory term for people from Wyoming, too: "from Wyoming." My sensitivity takes that in the teeth.

We find Attactix easily enough and chill for a bit while we wait to start. We wind up with seven people and make some magic happen. I get a bye the third game and make a run across the street to the gyro place I spotted earlier, but they're closed on Sundays so I settle for taquitos from the 7-11 next to the gaming store. Much like the previous day, Team Wyoming comes in at the bottom of the barrel but we're smiling because of a couple of moral victories and tech plays of the day (like Jon's Juri Juices for the actual win). Matt is a cool guy and gives everyone a rare from his collection for prizes. I buy Settlers of Catan and a card game called Fluxx; Jon snags a card game called Bohnanza because it's about farming beans and feautres violence on the box. We head north, have some strange conversations and learn that Mark likes Sarah Palin ("As a politician, or as a centerfold?" I ask incredulously, but to each his own). We get Mark back to his car and continue on to Jerry's pad, where we pick up Diana and hit Old Chicago for dinner - 90 Shilling FTW. Back at Jerry's place, we bust out Fluxx and Jon literally hands me two games. Jerry wins one after we learn to read the entire card and joke about how Jon has a 67% chance of getting death or a radioactive potato. We then try out Bohnanza and I totally stab Jon in the back on the last turn, pretty much stealing his Chili Beans. Alas, it doesn't affect the final standings (Jerry wins by one coin), but the look of utter betrayal on Jon's face is priceless and we laugh for about fifteen solid minutes. At this point it's time for bed, so we call it a night.

I want to stop at Men's Wearhouse before we hit the highway as I have an outdoor wedding to attend on Saturday and wanted a lighter jacket that what I have in my closet, so we do that. They're a little shorthanded, but I get a jacket, slacks, shoes, and tie picked out and find out it'll be a couple hours before they can hem my slacks and adjust the jacket sleeves. Jon and I opt to kill some time at the mall. We take the extra scenic route to the food court; I satisfy my unsatisfied craving from yesterday with a gyro and he gets some Subway. The mall has Glo Golf, so we opt for some of that. They effectively have 55 holes (two courses of 28, but the last hole is the same for both and you don't get your ball back). I take an early lead, get a couple holes in one, but hubris bites and I blow six strokes trying to get the ball over a ramp and through a frame instead of being smart and hitting it around. A couple shots that go off the courses don't help, I repeatedly show that sevens are great for battle destiny but not for mini golf, and it takes me three strokes to make the corner of the last hole (it kept bouncing back out). We total the scores and Jon wins by two. Humbled, we roll back to Men's Wearhouse and pick up my duds, then it's time to gas up and hit the road. We stop in Laramie to see if the prizes showed up while we were in Colorado, but Slackerz is closed. I pick up some Dead Guy Ale at North Ridge and it's back to 287 we go. The drive back was about as exciting as the drive down, and we roll into Sheridan shortly after nine.

All in all, it was a great weekend. I had a blast playing cards (even with all the losing and wanting to punch some of my opponents in the face *cough Mark and his Broken Concentration sadism cough cough*), it was great to spend time with people I don't get to see all that often, and it was nice to get the hell out of town for a bit. Special thanks to Linus (and his roommates) and Jerry and Diana for letting us crash with them (and then making breakfast). Only one month until Tatooine Regionals/Colorado States - Team Wyoming will definitely be back for more.

Now I just need a mini vacation from my mini vacation,
Regis

Echoes

I realize there hasn't been much of anything going on here in some time. Life has been in something of a holding pattern lately, and (1) it isn't something that I feel like elaborating on here and (2) it doesn't make very interesting reading anyway. But the light at the end of that tunnel is pretty close (even if it doesn't seem to be getting any closer quite yet), and there's some adventures on the horizon. First up, I'll be in Laramie and various parts of Colorado this coming weekend for the 2009 Star Wars CCG Wyoming State Tournament and a Denver local with Jon "Cates" Cates, which pretty much a guaranteed formula for wackiness. Stay tuned for trip updates and tournament reports that may or may not feature stolen B-wings and rancors.

So how about that Sarah Palin? My main thoughts on the subject are pretty much "STAY DOWN!" John McCain, on the other hand, said, "I don't think she quit. I think she changed her priorities." Y'know, since that totally makes it alright. I almost thought he was talking about someone else I know. Weird.

Don't let the bastards bring you down,
Regis

Hump Day Happy Hour - X

X is one of the most chronically underrated bands of all time. Do yourself a favor and get their first four albums (their entire catalog is pretty solid, but if you ask me, the Billy Zoom era is the band at its best). Here's an old video for "Your Phone's Off The Hook (But You're Not)" from their debut album Los Angeles (seriously, get it, you'll thank me).



Here's a bonus clip of the band promoting their 1983 album More Fun In The New World on Letterman, back when it was cool to hang out with Pee-wee Herman.



The whole world loves a sad song they don't have to sing,
Regis

Technically, It's Still Spring Training

Much to my excitement, my buddy Jon is back in town for the summer and probably most of the fall. As such, I now have someone to physically play some Star Wars CCG with - huzzah! We got together last week for a couple games, and once again I wondered why the hell I don't generally include Grimtaash or Monnok in my decks. I managed to prevail against a couple Catesian swarm decks with the decks I played at the April NoCo local regardless, and even pulled off a couple good plays. We've decided that we'll do some regular playing (oh, the sweet prospect of playtesting!) in preparation for upcoming summer events, like the planned Tatooine Regionals/Colorado States super weekend in Denver. Brace for impact, Greenland.

Of course, life is a big damn balance, so for every awesome development there's something like this terrible song (it's the kind of terrible I won't embed here, that's how truly awful it is). Seriously, how is there even a market for stuff like this? Can anybody actually like this affront to artistic decency, or is Uncle Jim the kind of music that hipsters buy for their poor hipster kids to enjoy ironically?

Yay cards, boo lousy hipster parents,
Regis

Hump Day Happy Hour - The Phenomenal Handclap Band

Anyone that knows me understands I have something of a weakness for disco and dance music (when properly applied). Seriously, the first half of Michael Jackson's Off The Wall album makes me move something every time I listen to it, and I will admit to enjoying "It's Raining Men" unironically (and, for the record, completely heterosexually). A week or so back while looking for something else I came across "You'll Disappear" by the Phenomenal Handclap Band, which has been knocking my socks off lately.



I guess we kinda won,
Regis

Uh, Thanks?

At church this Sunday, I was complimented on my guitar playing by one of my fellow congregants. He added that I reminded him of Danny Bonaduce from "The Partridge Family."

I'm pretty sure it was a compliment, and have been trying to take it as such (he was always my favorite character on the show; I always kind of wanted to punch Keith in the face and Laurie always struck me as kind of vacant, but that's beside the point). Also, I feel obliged to point out that Danny "played" bass, not guitar. At any rate, I can add another less-than-flattering celebrity comparison to my list.

Questionable Celebrity Comparisons I Have Received

• Gilbert Gottfried
• Hunter S. Thompson
  
• Ed Rooney
• Danny Bonaduce

In other list-related news, I am now aware of a second play that I have been in that starred Jimmy Stewart in the film adaption. I already knew about Bell, Book and Candle but You Can't Take It With You was news to me. I played Henderson, the Internal Revenue Department man, in a high school production (this was the play I learned to play accordion for, incidentally). The movie based on the play won the Oscar for Best Picture of 1938 and was directed by Frank Capra (who won Best Director) and starred one James Stewart as Tony Kirby. Luckily for me, I saw it was going to be on TMC and DVRed it. The film was quite enjoyable - watch it if you ever get the chance. I need to re-read the play (I still have the script) and compare the two versions since I don't remember much of the plot from the play (my part was small and limited to the first scene).

Come on, get happy,
Regis

Oh Boy, Another Video

I was exposed to WAY too much country music growing up, courtesy of my mother. If it was a single and on the country charts in the early to mid/late-nineties, there's a solid chance I can sing along with the chorus, if not a good portion of the verse - that's how bad it is. And while I can appreciate most genres of music, I don't really care for most country. Among the other "treasures" in her library of recorded country music, my mother has an LP of The Oak Ridge Boys Christmas, which has yet to make my list of good seasonal albums (nothing personal, ORB, it's just not my bag).

Lousy puns aside, I ran across this today (thanks, AV Club!) and had to put it up: it's the Oak Ridge Boys covering The White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army." While not quite as awesome as Loretta Lynn's album with Jack White (and their duet "Portland, Oregon"), this is pretty badass.



Make the sweat drip out of every pore,
Regis

Hump Day Happy Hour - T. Rex

My boss was good enough to let me pillage his CD collection a while back, and one of the standouts was Electric Warrior by T. Rex, best known for the tune "Bang A Gong (Get It On)." But since there's a good bet you're familiar with it, I give you "Life's a Gas."



Aw, screw it, it's my birthday so here's another one: "Jeepster."



I'll call you jaguar if I may be so bold,
Regis

Supplies!

It's my birthday (whatever, nobody cares about 26), and I've got a present for you: my previously promised tournament report from the Star Wars CCG tourney I played in this weekend in Fort Collins. I don't feel like recounting all my wacky adventures from the trip (like almost getting lost in Fort Collins and buying new bedding), so you're stuck with a bunch of nerd jargon that most of you won't understand - hooray!

NoCo April Local Tournament Report

The stars finally aligned and I had a free weekend that coincided with a tournament in Fort Collins. It’s worth the five hour drive as I have friends in Laramie and Cheyenne that I can hang and crash with, so I made the trip. For light I played Rescue The Princess with ‘Back beat tech (start Rycar to pull Plastoid Armor (v), which pulls the “Back” cards and makes them destiny 5 used interrupts; this is extra nice with the drain boost of Leia’s Back (v) so long as it doesn’t get grabbed) and I threw together a Chancellor’s Office CR(v) mains deck with Trained In The Jedi Arts. I hadn’t played either of the decks before, so I didn’t really know how they’d hold up. It’s been a couple days without much sleep since the event, so details are going to be foggy.

Game 1: Dark vs. Brett’s WYS (v)
We got off to a slow start, as we were both pretty rusty. He had me paying for my Office drain pretty much the whole game, since I wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about facing the Super Falcon. Vader (v) knocked Yoda MOFO out the box thanks to his DV-1 gametext and a low draw on Brett’s part and hung out at the Spaceport for a good chunk of the game. It dawned on me that Swilla Corey would have been an awesome card to have (+1 drain bonus from Trained and a +1 from the City), but everyone else at the tournament thought it was the dumbest idea they’d heard in a long time (I thought it was a good Jon Cates-style idea, which isnt' really saying much, but I digress). If I play the deck again, that card is definitely going in, damn the torpedoes. Anyway, I blew my second and final The Empire’s Back (v) with both Mauls in my Force Pile, and never managed to draw one. Vader shuttled up to Conquest (v) and hit Han with I Have You Now, but I drew lowish and Han just retorted right back. Brett eventually won the damage race. FL -13.

Game 2: Light vs. Ryan’s CR(v) Death Star Fear
He didn’t come to ground once the whole game, so freeing Leia was a snap (even if I forgot to retrieve, thinking that Cell 2187 (v) still prevented retrieval when you sprung Leia). I got out an early Han, Chewie, and the Falcon and knocked Chiraneau out before I flipped, so his drains weren’t so bad. He grabbed Escape Pod (v), so I was free to smack him with a couple of Leia’s Back (v)-enhanced drains when he didn’t satisfy Resilience (yay playing chicken at the Death Star!) and a some looped HCF action via Han’s Back (v). Other than an OOC combo’ed Blizzard 1 (I think), the only card to get POOPed was a Thrawn on like the second to last turn. I won the damage race, FW +15.

Game 3: Dark vs. Matt’s MWYHL
So I noticed a giant glaring flaw in my deck right away: I don’t have any way of getting to Dagobah. This game was pretty boring up until the end, since he just trained SOS (v) while I piled up pretty much everybody at the Office: Lord Sidious (with a DJLS (v)), The Gemmeperor, Janus (woo-hoo drain +1 with the Emperor at a BG), Vader (v) with his saber, Maul Young Apprentice with his double stick, and Galen with his saber. At least the site saved my drain and drain bonuses from being cancelled, so I wound up dishing out a drain of six a turn (would have been seven, but he Projectioned me, and I was paying three and losing one for Maul’s double blade). Eventually he flips and sends Mace and Obi JK to party. Vader and Mace get Clashed/YABed, Obi barely got hit (hooray Force Lightning used), and Maul got hit and Mess comboed. Matt wound up peeling like nine. Mace got beat down the next turn; Matt drew his all four cards in his Reserve Deck for saber destinies and didn’t have a card to not draw for BD so he couldn’t use the stacked Artoo in Red 5. Oh, he did put Kessel out at the end, and even though I left it alone it was too late for him. FW +14.

Game 4: Light vs. Matt’s ORS ISB JP Bad Time Funhouse
Bleh, this game was kind of weak. Once again, I got no Force from my opponent's start. Despite failing to match how much Force I had with what I needed to do, I managed to free Leia and flip without getting Trampled in the Yavin 4 DB. Commander Willard and General Rieekan got smacked down something fierce by Boba Fett BH and EPP 4-LOM, but Leia, Padme and Artoo smacked down P-59 at the War Room with a couple of blind 6’s. Alas, it was too late because that deck deals out some quick and cheap damage FAST. FL -15.

So in the end, I got third place with 4 (+1), narrowly beating Tom’s 4 (+0) - way to be the model of mediocrity, Tom! It was a lot of fun, and the northern Colorado group is all class in my book. Thanks to all of you for a great time, and special thanks to Jerry for the Sergeant Doallyn that never hit the table, Matt for lending me the SE dark Coruscant system for more choketastic fun, and Mark for running the dang thing (just pick a weekend I can make with nice weather for once, will ya?).

Greenland, Ho!

Tomorrow is my first Star Wars: Customizable Card Game tournament since the summer, and I will play my first actual game since Christmas break when Cates was in Sheridan. I won't say what I'm playing tomorrow (so as not to give the Coloradans an advantage, not that they need one...) but I'll post a tournament report detailing my glorious triumphs (likely of a moral persuasion).

Huzzah!

Annual Review

Friday marked my third anniversary as an employee of Aspen Mountain, and today I had my annual review with my boss (the VP of the company). It pretty much went like this (I'm not paraphrasing, honest):

"The president is happy with you, the secretary is happy with you, I'm happy with you, everyone else is happy with you. Keep up the good work."

One more year until I can sit for the PE, but it won't be offered until October, so I really have 18 months. Maybe I should start studying.

Hump Day Happy Hour - John Lee Hooker

It's another day of the usual excitement here in Sheridan - which is to say, not much. It's been threatening to rain pretty much all day but hasn't done a whole lot of anything so far. Ah, the joys of April.

I pulled Gillian, my hollowbody Ibanez ArtCore, out for the first time in a few months over the weekend and dusted off some old copies of GuitarOne - including one with a transcription of John Lee Hooker's "Boom Boom." If you've only heard one tune by the man, this is probably it (not counting George Thorogood's cover of "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer"), and it kicks equal amounts of ass whether he's backed by a band (like in the clip) or just on his own, stomping his feet. This is the kind of song that'll make the gray go away.



How how how how,
Regis

Morale Boost

Apparently it's more convenient for my father to call me and have me look up a number in the phone book than it is for him to just look it up himself. I'm not quite sure how to feel about this.

Rallying the Troops

The Sheridan High School Speech Team is probably getting close to Cheyenne right about now. I'm pulling for 'em at Districts this weekend, so here's a morale booster/call to arms for the team.



Time to get some Lucky Charms,
Regis

Equinoxin'

At long last, spring is here and my favorite season is underway. It isn't dark when I get off work anymore (largely thanks to DST, but whatever) and it's almost light when I get up (well, when my alarm goes off anyway). It's getting warmer but isn't ridiculously hot yet and things are getting green.

The weather being as nice as it is (and it's been freaking gorgeous in Sheridan), I've restarted running (I was too cheap to join a gym over the winter and didn't much like the idea of pulling a The Bridge-era Billy Joel):



I also finally got me a kettlebell (and inspired my boss to order one of his own). While I haven't been going to Linus-level extremes with it, I have been thoroughly enjoying the ass-kicking it dishes out as I get aquainted with it - I'm focusing on swings and get-ups to start with.

Work is currently giving me a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, my boss brought the break machine up from Rock Springs, so now we have the ability to break concrete cylinders. If you know me, you know that I love breaking stuff, so this is pretty sweet. I suggested we cast some cylinders to break... you know, for practice. On the other hand, I'm ready to inflict massive amounts of violence on my work computer. Long story short, Regis isn't liking LIDAR and AUTOCad right now.

But it's spring, I'm wearing a Hawaiian shirt in total comfort, listening to X, and getting some overtime out of this, so I can't complain too much.

Happy spring (unless you happen to live south of the equator, but I don't know anyone that does so whatever),
Regis

Because I REALLY Love You All So Much

So it turns out that I can only handle two of the three following things in one month:

• Being in a play
• Completing FAWM
• Getting divorced

Sadly, something had to give and it wound up being FAWM. I guess I can say I completed writing one song (two if you count "Mexican Sunset" as an instrumental) out of a target fourteen, but I like a number of the instrumental chord-progression things I came up with and posted, and I have a number of semi-worthwhile lyrical starts for some of them too. As such, it wasn't a total loss.

Anyway, I re-dug up an old chestnut from my wild-and-crazy-er days in the dorms. One day, my buddy Dillon and I had nothing better to do so we decided to write a song about Jawas. It was progressing nicely when Ben started singing some weird counter melody about the sanctity of his personal space and the song just clicked. We laid it down on my trusty 4-track recorder shortly thereafter (again, in the dorms). I finally dug out the old tape and - by the magic of technology - have put it up here for all to enjoy.

Behold! JAWAS!

Here are the details I remember from the recording: I laid down the guitar part first on track 1, playing my dearly missed Maria (a midnight blue Fender Strat) through a Danelectro Nifty Fifty (which I still have, even if the Dirty-Sweet pot is stuck on full blast); the amp was micced with a cheap Nady dynamic mic that was probably hanging off my lofted bed because my mic stand was in my old room in Sheridan. Then the three of us did the vocals on track 2 - Dillon and I with our Fine Young Cannibals-style main part and Ben with his counter-melody/descant/whatever you want to call it piece of awesome - all together around the same mic. I remember doing a couple takes because we miscounted measures or weren't getting a good mix of our voices. I probably did the tambourine part next as it is on track 3, then the bass last on track 4. I had this wicked awesome no-name Beatle bass knockoff that I picked up at Q-Man in Sheridan (also long gone and sadly missed at present), which was played through a Danelctro Nifty Seventy bass amp and recorded like the guitar was.

Glad I'm wearing iron underwear today,
Regis

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

"Early One Evening at the Rainbow Bar and Grille" has closed, the set was struck and the cast and crew now get to figure out what the hell we're going to do with our now-free weekends. It was friggin' blast for me, and I'd like to say thanks to everyone involved, especially Erin and the cast.

Since the play was the sole reason I sported a mustache for the last month, the hair on my upper lip was living on borrowed time as soon as we finished the final curtain call. My only regret is not announcing that it was last call for a mustache ride before leaving the Carriage House. If you're one of the handful of people that liked it (you should have spoken up, particularly if you're single and female), this is for you:


And if you thought it made me look like a science teacher or worse, here I am, post-defoliation:


Now, for the second time in the span of a month, I have to get used to looking at a new (and yet still dashingly handsome) face in the mirror. Truly, the excitement never ends.

Because I Love You All So Much

I haven't been having a terribly great day for a number of reasons, but this put the biggest, stupidest smile on my face: an all keyboard cover of Michael Jackson's "Beat It." I have no words for this.



You're welcome,
Regis

First Batch

As long promised, the first batch of FAWM 2009 demos have been posted on the right. All of the titles are placeholders - none of these have any lyrics yet. "Mexican Sunset" and "Mystery Bandito Rides Again" are easily the most polished, many of the others aren't much more than rough guitar (and maybe bass) sketches of chord progressions and such.

If any of these give you an idea for lyrics or whatever, feel free to let me know. Lyrics have never been my strength.

-Regis

Update - Fixed the links. Thanks for catching that, Evan!

False Watchmen Spoilers So Far

Being the team player I am, I have taken it upon myself to assist one of my fellow "Rainbow" cast members get mad before she goes onstage (to say the character is irate is to put it mildly). Since I lent Stacy my copy of Watchmen, it occurred to me that spoilers (false, of course, I'm not that big of an asshole) would do the trick. And while she hasn't punched me yet, the frequency and intensity of her threats to do so have increased dramatically.

Here's what I've told her so far:

• Rorschach is actually a woman, and wears the mask and gloves to hide her features and polished fingernails. Also, she's a Bouvier.
• Dr. Manhattan is gay.
• Watchmen is actually a rip-off of Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None - the Comedian faked his death and is trying to pick off the other costumed heroes.
• The best scene of the book is the one where Night Owl helps Silk Spectre shave her back.

Less than two weeks on the Doomsday Clock,

Regis

Hey Look, A Rainbow!

"Early One Evening at the Rainbow Bar and Grille" opened last night and hot damn, did we knock it out of the park. The audience was great - very receptive, very into the show, and very responsive. One of my favorite things about theater is the difference between what you think is funny and what the audience laughs at. Jokes that still get us fly over the audience's heads while things that never struck a chord with you elicit great guffaws from the crowd. If you're going to be in the greater Sheridan metropolitan area over the next couple weekends, you need to see it. I don't think we could have asked for a better opening, so here's to the eight left to go.

And in case you missed it, this was in the Sheridan Press on Thursday:


Happy fake ass Hallmark holiday,
Regis

New and Improved?

I'm pretty sure I mentioned it at some point, but I'm in a play and it opens Friday. Being the dedicated slave to the arts I am, I have offered up my very appearance for this production by way of a shave and haircut. Behold my commitment and despair (or something)!

Before:
















After:

You'll have to come to the play to see my awe-inspiring salesman comb-job. That's right, it gets even better. See you there.

Commence Primary Ignition

Boy oh boy, FAWM is under way once again. I spent yesterday afternoon rearranging stuff in New Danger Dog Studios (less formally, the second bedroom) and restringing Susan with a Nashville tuning (the other three guitars - Gillian, Dorothy, and Anna - were all restrung Saturday night). I even managed to record a guitar groove/chord progression with a bass line but no lyrics yet, so I'm not even running behind yet. I hope to get my demos up as I finish them, so brace yourselves for updates.

I'm thinking that this year will have an alt-country sort of vibe, but we'll see what happens.

A Motion From The Floor

After the election, I decided that I'd keep an eye on Wyoming's new representative, Cynthia Lummis. While I had (and will no doubt continue to have) my fair share of political disagreements with her, I'm doing my best to give her a fair chance to do her job before casting judgement.

Ms. Lummis isn't off to a good start.

As you may have heard, the first bill signed by President Obama was the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009. When the bill was in the House, only three Republicans voted for it, and none of them hail from the Equality State. This is pretty disappointing to me on a few levels, one of which being Ms. Lummis' stated desire to "safeguard our families."

Things being what they are, I move that we only pay Cynthia Lummis 78% of what she's supposed to be making as a congresswoman, since she apparently doesn't believe in equal pay for equal work.

Repectfully submitted,
Regis

What a Twist!

So they finally announced the winner of that silly 3-Day Novel competition I participated in over Labor Day weekend last year. And guess what, boys and girls?

I didn't win.

Yeah, pretty much what I expected, what with 570 registrants (428 of which submitted novels) and all. But whatever, I'm still a winner (and I have the Everybody Gets A Trophy Day trophy to prove it).

Speaking of Bataan Death March-style forcing of creativity, FAWM 2009 is just around the corner. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do it again, even if I'm in a play that month. Oh yeah, it's on.

It could make a million for you overnight,
Regis

Blast From The Past

Thanks to the magic of the internet, you can see just how much my writing has improved since the dark days of 2002, when I was a weekly columnist for the University of Wyoming Branding Iron. A brave soul with too much free time uncovered a small collection of my "Life Is Like A Mop" and "The Way I See It" columns that a friend of mine posted on his website back in the day (being the swell guy I am, I would email my stuff to people that weren't in Laramie and thus couldn't pick up a copy of the BI).

Behold! Here is your portal to days past!

I'll have to see if I can dig up Word files of more of my old columns, as I know there were some that were better than these. Or would that be about as worthwhile as Liberace at the Playboy Mansion?

After all, Liberace is dead.

-Regis

Everything's Coming Up Milhouse

How is everyone doing?

Things have been clicking together lately. I've just about gotten my apartment rearranged and have filled in the gaps in furnishings (new bed ftw), although I haven't gotten my last salad plate from Cottonwood Kitchens yet. Picasso's "Guernica" and a Japanese Godzilla poster from the dorms once again grace my walls. Early One Evening at the Rainbow Bar and Grille is coming along and is a lot of fun (I may even get credited as "Polka expert" or some such - a selling point and a half if there ever was one). Flight of the Conchords is back for a second season. I'm having a blast playing guitar in church and Dorothy (the Ibanez Jet King II) is getting a lot more attention. I'm getting rid of a lot of clutter (both literal and figurative) as well as anger, and damn but it is nice to have a little peace and calm in my life.

Oh, and America is finally about to go all Scandal on George W. Bush. It's about eight years late for my taste, but it is what it is. It's like morning in America, or something.

Let the good times roll,
Regis

Fresh Start For a New Year

Happy New Year, gang. I've been more than ready to put 2008 to an end, so here's hoping that '09 is better all around.

In local news, Meg finally filed and has moved to Laramie, leaving me with what feels like an exceptionally spacious apartment. Granted, that probably has a lot to do with there being not much of anything in the living room, but it's still a little bit shocking. The only big thing I really need to get is a small couch or loveseat, and I could use another lamp or two, but all in all I'm in pretty good shape. One could say my life has turned into a Darkness song:



I got a part in a local play, and rehearsals start next week. Early One Evening at the Rainbow Bar and Grille looks to be a lot of fun, or at least as fun as a play set against nuclear war can be. If you're looking for something awesome in Sheridan come February (super sweet Valentine's Day date, anyone?), come check it out. I play an asshole, so I'll leave it to you whether I've been typecast or am just that good at dramatics.

Is it just me, or am I all on my own again?
Regis