A Derogatory Name for People From Wyoming: A Travelogue

As promised, here's a recap of the trip Jon and I made south this weekend. Tournament reports will be posted separately.

We had planned to leave around 11 on Friday, but someone (that would be me) was running a little behind getting his ducks in a row, and someone else (that would be Jon) was running even later. This would prove to be something of a constant theme for the weekend. Apparently the world runs on Regis Standard Time. The drive down to Laramie is about what you'd expect, except slightly greener (gotta love the wet spring and mild-ish summer we've had), with lots of Electric Six. I can't travel to a tournament with Jon without being stopped on the highway by either a wildfire or road construction, and work on 287 steps up to the plate. We roll into Laramie, drop off Meg's bike and the last of her stuff from my shed and I get my half-read copy of Theodore Rex back. Everything's coming up Milhouse until we stop by Slackerz, the location of Saturday's Walter Cronkite Memorial Wyoming State SWCCG Championship, and learn that prize support hasn't arrived yet (I kind of dropped the ball on ordering it and it was supposed to go to the store). We cross our fingers for tomorrow and boogie down to Flock Hall.

As Jon and I walk up to the door, we hear someone inside comment, "This is how porno movies start," which almost makes me get back in the car (the male-female ratio at the time being a bit unbalanced for that sort of thing in my opinion). They tell me the correct operation of their door is hard for some people, but I pass the Dex check without much trouble. We have a two and a half hour conversation about Transformers before Linus has to get some writing done and Jon and I decide that maybe we should eat dinner, it being nine or so. The Black Pope recommends the muffaletta at McAllister's, which is maybe the most beautiful sandwich I've had the pleasure of consuming. By the Virgin Moose, it's like eating a piece of heaven. Jon and I get back to Linus' and I try out my "fun" decks for the Sunday local in Denver and get ROLLED. The Wii gets fired up and I wax Shinze at Mario Kart (extra awesome, never having played it on the Wii before). We finally decide that 2 am might be a good time to call it a night and get some shuteye. Linus is awesome enough to get up and make some tofu scramble - which was pretty damn awesome - for breakfast. After a quick stop at Kinko's to copy some command cards, it's time for some Star Wars CCG.

No surprise, Team Wyoming gets blown out by pretty much everyone from Colorado, but we had fun so it's all good. Thomas McGee wins the coveted winner's certificate (which I wrote his name on too soon; had Brian Hunter won the final confrontation I would have just crossed Tom's name out and written Hunter's above it). Prize support is a no-show, but everybody's cool with dealing it out at Tatooine Regionals next month. I get some new sleeves (red and gold) and head down to Fort Collins with Jerry, who is nice enough to let us stay with him the next two nights.

There's a barbecue at Tom's, and Jerry plays Nien Numb to my Lando and navigates us across Fort Collins. Jon and I hit the liquor store for some PBR while Tom and Jerry make an undoubtedly madcap run to Safeway for burgers and dogs. The cute cashier at Pringle's cards me, but I'm pretty sure she just wanted my name. After some tasty grilling (high five, Tom!) and hanging with the gang, we head back to Jerry's place and meet his girlfriend Diana, who lives up to Jerry's description of pretty cool. We talk about decks for Sunday a bit and call it a night.

Jerry is so awesome he makes pancakes and bacon for breakfast. His position relative to the ball deck-wise is par for the weekend's course, so I lend him a White Trash deck (that I opted not to play the day before, probably a bad call but whatever) that he played as is and a bounty hunting, feed the rancor-ing My Kind of Scum that he modified (I say RUINED) by removing the bounty hunters and adding more creatures. Tom can't make the tournament as his dog is under the weather, so we stop to pick up Mark (who I have to say always looks sharp) at a parking lot in Windsor. He and Jerry make some special modifications in the back seat while navigating and, after a Blizzard 4 winds up under Jerry's ass, complaining that I take turns too fast. I enlighten them on the concept of the "Greenie," which I describe as a derogatory term for Coloradoans based on the color of the old Colorado license plates. Mark informs me that Coloradoans have a derogatory term for people from Wyoming, too: "from Wyoming." My sensitivity takes that in the teeth.

We find Attactix easily enough and chill for a bit while we wait to start. We wind up with seven people and make some magic happen. I get a bye the third game and make a run across the street to the gyro place I spotted earlier, but they're closed on Sundays so I settle for taquitos from the 7-11 next to the gaming store. Much like the previous day, Team Wyoming comes in at the bottom of the barrel but we're smiling because of a couple of moral victories and tech plays of the day (like Jon's Juri Juices for the actual win). Matt is a cool guy and gives everyone a rare from his collection for prizes. I buy Settlers of Catan and a card game called Fluxx; Jon snags a card game called Bohnanza because it's about farming beans and feautres violence on the box. We head north, have some strange conversations and learn that Mark likes Sarah Palin ("As a politician, or as a centerfold?" I ask incredulously, but to each his own). We get Mark back to his car and continue on to Jerry's pad, where we pick up Diana and hit Old Chicago for dinner - 90 Shilling FTW. Back at Jerry's place, we bust out Fluxx and Jon literally hands me two games. Jerry wins one after we learn to read the entire card and joke about how Jon has a 67% chance of getting death or a radioactive potato. We then try out Bohnanza and I totally stab Jon in the back on the last turn, pretty much stealing his Chili Beans. Alas, it doesn't affect the final standings (Jerry wins by one coin), but the look of utter betrayal on Jon's face is priceless and we laugh for about fifteen solid minutes. At this point it's time for bed, so we call it a night.

I want to stop at Men's Wearhouse before we hit the highway as I have an outdoor wedding to attend on Saturday and wanted a lighter jacket that what I have in my closet, so we do that. They're a little shorthanded, but I get a jacket, slacks, shoes, and tie picked out and find out it'll be a couple hours before they can hem my slacks and adjust the jacket sleeves. Jon and I opt to kill some time at the mall. We take the extra scenic route to the food court; I satisfy my unsatisfied craving from yesterday with a gyro and he gets some Subway. The mall has Glo Golf, so we opt for some of that. They effectively have 55 holes (two courses of 28, but the last hole is the same for both and you don't get your ball back). I take an early lead, get a couple holes in one, but hubris bites and I blow six strokes trying to get the ball over a ramp and through a frame instead of being smart and hitting it around. A couple shots that go off the courses don't help, I repeatedly show that sevens are great for battle destiny but not for mini golf, and it takes me three strokes to make the corner of the last hole (it kept bouncing back out). We total the scores and Jon wins by two. Humbled, we roll back to Men's Wearhouse and pick up my duds, then it's time to gas up and hit the road. We stop in Laramie to see if the prizes showed up while we were in Colorado, but Slackerz is closed. I pick up some Dead Guy Ale at North Ridge and it's back to 287 we go. The drive back was about as exciting as the drive down, and we roll into Sheridan shortly after nine.

All in all, it was a great weekend. I had a blast playing cards (even with all the losing and wanting to punch some of my opponents in the face *cough Mark and his Broken Concentration sadism cough cough*), it was great to spend time with people I don't get to see all that often, and it was nice to get the hell out of town for a bit. Special thanks to Linus (and his roommates) and Jerry and Diana for letting us crash with them (and then making breakfast). Only one month until Tatooine Regionals/Colorado States - Team Wyoming will definitely be back for more.

Now I just need a mini vacation from my mini vacation,
Regis